The Compulsive Squire

Where Outstanding Humour Meets Desperate Boredom

Tag Archives: science

Is Reality Real? Are You In A Simulation?

Welcome to The Simulation Argument. Feel free to leave your sense of self at the door. Sit back, and allow yourself to have everything you were ever sure of, second guessed by the wonderful intellect of Kurzgesagt & Vsauce3.
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What Are You? You Are Two.

You. Are an infinitely complex being. And not just the ways that make it difficult for you to find a partner. Watch this 2 part collaboration from Kurzgesagt & CGP Grey and try to figure out what makes you, you.

My YouTube: The Game Theorists

What if the Legend of Zelda contained a weapon with speed 10x faster than the world’s fastest rollercoaster and force 20x greater than earth’s gravity? Could dressing up in a red bikini win you a fighting game tournament? What’s up with that gap in an Energy Sword in Halo?

Hello internet, and welcome to a channel that wonderfully combines economic and scientific hypotheses, with enough moving images to keep a hyperactive toddler adequately entertained. Have you ever found yourself wondering if there could be any realistic grounding behind your favourite video games, only to realise there is almost nothing less depressing than spending a friday night researching if it’s possible to do a double jump? If so, do I have the youtube channel for you. Introducing Matthew “MatPat” Patrick, a charming man with 2 first names for an identifier and head of Game Theory. Each video he proposes a theorical idea around a video game character or aspect, and then logically explores the scientific possibility of the notion. A doctorate in deductive reasoning isn’t essential…but it may help.

But, if over-analysis to the point of a diagnosable neurosis isn’t your thing, The Game Theorists have a lots of other strands of fun gaming-based content, with a few more friendly faces to keep you happily entertained. Gaijin Goombah presents Culture Shock, a series exploring detailed japanese culture hidden throughout video games. I’m sure for every thousand views, one more american books a flight to Japan that they exclusively refer to as “returning home”. Trailer Drake also helms Smash History, a series giving a deeper insight to the origins of Super Smash Bros. various attacks and stages. It’s like a Nintendo history lesson but you don’t have to buy £50 worth of NES eShop games to get it.

In addition they also have the other channels, The Film Theorists for theories within movies and GTLive for their recorded gameplay streams. MatPat once ordered a pizza through an iPhone in Minecraft and then he and his wife, Stephanie, invited the pizza girl inside to join them. Sadly the similarities to the world’s greatest porn script ended there. And soon he’ll have a new Youtube Red series Game Lab, which brings video games to life and chucks in a full 360 experience for you as well.

Whew. That’s a wide array of stuff to get through. Amazingly, they all hold up individually, but also work as an overall unit. It’s slightly reminiscent of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Could interconnected youtube channels and playlists be like undercover Marvel movies? What if youtube videos and networks linking content back and forth to one and other, is like the new (or old) expanded universe? Hey, that’s just My YouTube theory. Thanks for reading.

5 Technological Curses of the 21st Century

Technology can be pretty terrible even at the best of times. In a nihilistic existence moving closer to an inevitable end of what could possibly be eternal blackness or failing that a potential afterlife of lasting, unrelenting, tortuous damnation, who needs to be asked if they would like to send an error report?

Life has become a lot more cluttered and distracted since the turn of the century. In the middle of writing that last paragraph I checked facebook for notifications, looked at my Amazon wish list in case anything had dropped in price and wondered the year the Sega Genesis was released but mysteriously wiki-chained all the way to Mark Ruffalo’s filmography. Then I skipped the next 3 songs playing on my phone before searching the lyrics for the song I stopped to rock out to for 3 and a half minutes. That was a lot of time wasted and a lot of life lost, only to find out Farmville is still a thing, that bag has gone up by £3 and The Hulk might have played Sonic The Hedgehog when he was 23. So before I get distracted again here’s a list of things that are spoiling modern day life, starting with…

HD will ruin you and you won’t go back

HD. Allowing the man who wishes to watch naked women with such clarity, he’ll no longer feel obliged to make love to his wife. High Definition viewing is as unnecessary as it is successfully convincing others you have a personality. Deep down we all know this. But regardless, anything less than 720p makes you feel more disgusted than finding a hair on your body that’s not yours. That’s just how we roll. What exactly were all those old family videos filmed on anyway, a microwave?

Our upgrade to HD was sudden and universal, like the number of women who stopped finding Robin Thicke attractive. Once upon a time society was collectively happy with their 50 Hz Toshiba TVs, back when “standard” resolution wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. Then, from the spawn cloud of technological evolution, widescreen TVs came along, waving around their increased fidelity and built in anti-aliasing. Standard TVs hadn’t a clue what a HDMI output was, as they sat there quivering in their scart cables. This gave way to HD-only channels. Now you needed a new TV or a TV that was ‘HD ready’ (which sounds more like a Flight of the Conchords parody than anything else), to be part of it. Suddenly television watching has become like a nightclub, and several TV networks have VIP sections. And up until 2008, you’ve been wearing trainers.

Standard quality was never bad on its own, but compared to High Definition it feels worse than licking an Osbourne soaked in ebola. Without any effort, Billy Big Bollocks HD has made Lil’ Timmy Standard look like the girl at the bar with 2 different shoes on, stealing napkins and sniffing other bar-goers. Yes, we can see picture more clearly now than Johnny Nash, but at what cost?
Click here to find what other conveniences have irrecoverably damaged us as a people

5 Technological Miracles of the 21st Century

Gather around children and let me tell tales of a time long ago. Tales of a magical era when you were never more than 30 minutes away from having a pizza delivered to you regardless of state of mind or location. You could command birds of an unexplained exasperated disposition to hurtle themselves into livestock-inhabited construction sites. A time when the most trusted encyclopaedia ever, was written by people no more intelligent than you or I. It was a time of miracles, it was the dawn of the 21st century.

There are a lot of ways in which the present day is the hardest time to be alive in history. On the other hand – Siri. 20 years ago, if you heard the word “Siri”, you’d think there was a South African apologizing somewhere. Sure an increasing population and the demands of urbanisation are outweighing the natural resources we have to sustain them, plus we’ve been in this global recession for around 3000 years now but we also live in a world where the Nintendo Wii exists. It can’t be all bad.

So even though people enjoy complaining about the age we live in, “people are getting stupider”, “there are too many distractions in society”, “there’s not enough bacon in my baconator”, etc. here’s a list of awesome things that the (1st) world enjoy relentlessly, starting with…

HD is beautiful and you won’t go back

HD. Allowing a man to view naked women with such clarity, he’ll no longer need to make love to his wife. The pleasure of watching anything in high definition is akin to having your significant other enact your favourite fantasy. It’s unbelievable at first, and even after you melt into it you never want it to end (not to mention you can’t believe you’re doing it in the middle of the day). If you a fan of comfortable viewing experiences the 21st century is a pretty sweet time to be around; between television, online videos, movies and video games, the fidelity of detail is astounding. And computers mouses come without wires now. How amazing is that?

The level of video quality it is currently possible to render is so great, the average computer monitor can’t even truly display it all (pull your finger out Phillips). Technology is at a level so photographically advanced, reality looks dim by comparison. God rest her soul but every time you turn on Fashion Police you could tell if Joan Rivers was wearing underwear or not. If that doesn’t scream ‘I live in the 21st century’, I don’t know what does.

And HD quality doesn’t just make the present exciting but the future as well. Even though perhaps unthinkable, video quality will only continue to improve. With terms like “High Frame Rate”, “16:9 Aspect Ratio” and “Directed by James Cameron” flying around, you could easily think technology has improved tenfold every time you check out Digital Spy. Jargon understood only by Christopher Nolan and 5 & a half other people roughly translates to “really freakin’ good video”, and that’s all we need to know. Words like Blu-Ray, 60fps, IMAX, 1080p and 4K are more likely members of the world’s first all cyborg boyband anyway.
Click to find out what else us first worldies shouldn’t scoff about